I must say I HATE it, yes that is right I hate being
unemployed. I hate getting up every
morning getting my little one off to school to then walk the dog and feel
totally completely and utterly worthless, useless, undervalued and not good
enough. That’s right I said “Not good
enough.” I feel that way because of all
the interviews I have had all the letters sent out and not one person/employer
will just take a chance on me. It isn’t
like I am stupid far from it; it isn’t like I am not educated far from that
too. It isn’t like I am ugly; apparently
I am pretty, and something I just don’t care too much about. It isn’t like I am
useless, lazy, unreliable, tardy, and unresponsive and lack skills. In fact I am the opposite of all of this, yes
that is right I am the opposite. I am
hard working, reliable, efficient, organised, great with people and communication
skills, great negotiation skills, get on with literally everyone, can use a
computer rather well with a lot of advanced skills, communicate efficiently and
effectively, can write a mean report, can make the complicated uncomplicated
and can even show people how to do things. Soooooo you ask as I do, Why on this
green earth am I unemployed??? I truthfully have no damn idea with the
exception that I am NOT 18; I am almost 40 and haven’t got much experience in
8yrs since having my child. Yep I said almost 40 and a Mum. I can’t think of anything else that it is. The last lot of experience I did was in 2009
for a whole year at a Public School as a Teacher’s Aide (Special), I’ve even
had the teacher I worked with ask me when I’m coming back over the years and
that she has missed having me.
I’ve hunted for work over the 5 years since being relocated
by family court order. Yes I have one of
those and I had to fight like hell just to be able to move 2hrs from the
little-uns father. He fought like hell
against it but in the end, due to family support here and family violence on
the EX;’s part I relocated. It took me
almost 6yrs to be able to relocate so I don’t plan on doing it again for work,
so here in this small town I am to stay.
I have been for a few interviews: One job I really wanted
and it was actually with my job network provider and I thought I had it I
really did. They were really impressed
with me and then I got the call, for some reason I knew I didn’t get it. They told me I interviewed really well but I
was just so down I just said thanks and hung up. The next time I spoke to my Case Manager I
was told the interviewer said I didn’t interview well at all, so there I sat
confused as hell. I stated that that was
not what the interviewer told me so what the heck is it?? I landed another job interview after that and
could not get her (the interviewers) words to my Case Manager out of my head, I knew I stuffed it
totally and I did, no luck with that job either sigh. Back speaking with my Case Manager a few
months later and I let them know I could not get those comments out of my head
particularly as previously I thought I was interviewing well, previous
interviewers even said they were impressed they just put someone on with more
experience than me. Sigh... All this is
now really beginning to become rather disheartening, particularly so as I have
been shoved onto Newstart and copped a massive cut. God I HATE welfare.
Mind you the EX”s Child support apparently, does not
increase but stays the same (I don’t know how they figure this since I have
lost $2,000 a year what the, please explain?).
Its great having to pay for all petrol and car bills to travel 2hrs for
visits on $14,000 a yr. and my EX is on $51,000 and tells the child he is
broke! He doesn’t pay rent he lives with a mate who made a deal that he just
does the housework (well that would be a sight he would never lift a finger to
even mow the lawn!!!) and that is it….. So confuses me as to how he just pays
$53 a month n then abuses me that he should not have to buy the child glasses
as his support covers it. Seriously how much do you think school uniforms,
books, stationary alone are!?? By the time I have all that I have actually paid
more than his support and then I have to feed the child and provide for his
sports and extra- curricular activities! Honestly some EX’s need to get a
clue. Anyway I digress.
Maybe I knew something a little while before the announced
changes as I managed to keep the freezer stocked and put a few things in the
pantry cupboard. SO at this point we
won’t starve I made sure of that. But
this does not stop the frustration or stress of unemployment and volunteering
never pays the bills. I don’t want to
have to go begging to charities but I will the way this is going. All I want is a chance to work I use to
Manage a Video store and maintain a Website for a retail company before my
child’s birth but apparently this is not good enough. Arrrrr Frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh for the love of GOD would someone employ me PLEASE. I don’t like feelings under-valued,
worthless, not a member of society and just downright lousy. I’m not the type to get depressed I guess I
am lucky there, but I sure can see how society makes us feel that way and how
Centrelink and society makes us feel like we are just bludgers and frowns down
upon us… It’s not fair and I hate it…. Will someone give me a go??????????
When I think about all of this as well, and after speaking
to a few employed people in different sectors, the pressure that is on a person
just too even keep their job is unreal.
The inclusion of things like KPI’s for example and if the person does
not meet these each month then after some reprimanding they call it,
retraining, the employee is often booted AKA FIRED!!! It has become so crazy it
is unreal. Then hearing how some
Managers, Principals and the like are akin to Hitler, well what chance does
anyone stand really? The pressure to perform
then is beyond astounding. After
studying Front Line Management I can see this anyway particularly with all the
Policies and Procedures. I understand
their use and they can often be of benefit but when some Managers just use it
beyond the point of its purpose and quite almost abusively so this is
wrong. Whatever happened to the good ole
days of Loyalty and long term employment because you did the job? A thing of
the past.
Well I must say the way it is going I think I will be
working for myself with something that I love and I know it may take a while to
get it all set in networked and grounded but at least I don’t have to stress
out over KPI’s and the potential loss of my job if I am not giving my all and
more.
At the end of the day and after troweling for jobs and applying for whatever I can. I am left defeated, disheartened, lost, frustrated, worried and confused. These feelings are not good to have while going and collecting said child from school. I want to be the positive upbeat person I have always been but OMG has life thrown a curve ball this way...
